I am no expert, and most of the time I find myself preaching more than practicing. Nevertheless, there are some lessons I will always be relearning, and I felt like sharing.
When it comes to relationships, typically, we do not get what we are wanting because we are not looking for a partner that can meet our needs. Some of us are attracted to personality qualities that we lack or want to explore. Others are seeking to correct previous relationship flaws by reliving them with similar personality types.
If we stop choosing to be in relationships where we expect or hope that our partner will one day learn, grow, adapt, or change to meet our needs…and try to adopt the view that it is our own expectation, and our own desires that we project onto the people in our lives that brings us all the grief ….. than we might start to allow for love.
It is no-one else’s fault that we are not getting what we want. It is our own responsibility to care for our needs by accepting things and people for what and who they are. Allowing ourselves to be available for what we are truly looking for in a relationship requires that we are genuine, that we are clear on what we really want, that we don’t pretend to be anything other than our genuine self, and that we don’t expect anyone to be anything more than who they genuinely are.
I think that true love is a selfless thing. That in order to give or feel true love we have to let go of our expectation and allow ourselves to see and experience the love that is possible through acceptance. We are always free to change our minds. We are free to choose who to love and how to love. In fact, our own actions are the only thing we can, most times control.
We are responsible if we do not feel we are getting what we want, or think we deserve from our relationships, because we choose them. Everyone else is innocent in that they do not owe us anything, that they are gifts of grace because they offer us lessons to become better people.